After Hurricane Katrina, I, like all Saints fans, hoped that the team would rise in the wake of disaster and serve as a beacon of hope. I made a vow to myself that if they triumphed in 2005, I'd write a book about it. I was aching to spin (or, at the very least, read) the true story of their bounce back.
I wanted that team to overcome the close playoff misses they had suffered over the previous three seasons.
I wanted them to make the best of having to play every home game in some other team's stadium.
I wanted them to play their hearts out despite worrying about their homes, their families, their friends and the tragic fates that befell so many New Orleanians.
I wanted to say how the owners — and the league — were committed to returning the team to New Orleans no matter what, and that the sterling 2005 season compelled them to not even think twice about it.
Perhaps most of all, I wanted the Saints to be a symbol of a team that finds success even when naysayers have written off the city they represented.
But of course, reality intervened. The 2005 Saints were the most forgettable team of the decade. They went 3-13, with many of those games not being close, which ultimately resulted in a near-complete scrubbing of the team the following year. Maybe it wasn't fair to expect anything better, but that didn't lessen the sting of the outcome.
Some people could — and did — say from August on that Katrina had dealt the Saints a hand that was too powerful to overcome. Being my stupid idealist self, I didn't want to believe that. I'm not a huge fan of "writing on the wall" type pessimism in general; I like to go down fighting, clawing and screaming. If the deck is stacked insurmountably from the beginning, what's the point of even trying?
In 2005, that book was never written. It's not likely to be the case in 2012, either.
The Saints, perhaps for the first time ever, have become a top-tier target in the NFL. A Super Bowl championship will do that to any team. There's a massive culture shock that comes from growing up in a time and place where the Saints were lovable losers that everyone watched every week (where we relished any winning season no matter how they lost in the playoffs), and then seeing them win it all in a place where fans' passions lied elsewhere. That shock continues today, where opposing fans now view the Saints as a worthy target of scorn and derision.
A lot of those fans were no doubt gleeful to learn of allegations that the Saints had a bounty system, allegations that tainted their redemption story overnight. Thanks largely to a scandal-addicted public willing to believe any accusation on its face, fed by the zeal of an autocratic commissioner few Saints fans trust in the first place, the team had huge image and logistical problems heading into 2012. A suspended head coach and assistant coach. Suspended players and ex-players. Hostile press. Fans dying to see the team go down in flames from day one. A commissioner who so eviscerated the Saints that it seemed to defy parity — based on suspect evidence and loose interpretation thereof, no less.
I wanted the Saints to overcome all of that so badly. I felt like they could. I felt like they had to. Mostly because I'm a fan, but also because I don't think an outcome should be so predestined. I didn't want the jerks who snidely urged Saints fans in September to break out their paper bags to be clairvoyant. I didn't want the scandal, whatever degree of truth there was to it, to guarantee a losing season.
I didn't want Roger Goodell to win.
When the Saints started 0-4, I hadn't lost all hope. When they reached 5-5, I was confident they'd found their stride and would be in the mix all season long. But like that other forgettable year, 2007, the Saints collapsed again. Perhaps inevitably, but that doesn't make it suck any less.
For me personally, 2012 has been a tough year, perhaps one of the toughest ever. Maybe it's my fault for expecting too much, for counting on the Saints' winning ways to lift me out of the blues once a week. But it's hard for me in times like this to not see some parallel in my fortunes and that of the Saints — you make your own victories and mistakes, but sometimes it feels like the world either doesn't care or is actively hostile toward you. And in both cases, you want to rise above all that and be the best you can be.
New Orleans rose above the cynical naysayers after Katrina and continues to do so. The Saints later followed suit. In 2005, I was fighting personal battles similar to what I face now. And just like then, the team I hoped would egg me along isn't up to the challenge. I guess I can't blame them, but I still kind of want to. I wanted to feel like such huge odds could be overcome. It would have made things seem less bleak.
As everyone always says, though, there's always next year. I'm optimistic both for the Saints and for myself in 2013.
It's these next few weeks that are going to hurt.
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