Principal: "OK, people, we have a disturbance on our hands."
Math teacher: "Oh my God, what happened? School shooting?!!"
Principal: "Heavens no! Math teacher, you must exercise discretion when passing along such conjecture. You'll scare people when there's no cause for alarm."
Math teacher: "My apologies."
Principal: "No, what happened was that a student ... posted a controversial tweet."
Math teacher: "What's a tweet?"
Principal: "I don't know, it's some website on the Internet."
Vice Principal: "It allows people to say anything they want and send it to 140 characters or less."
English teacher: "Or fewer."
Vice Principal: "Hush."
Principal: "Apparently, Wesley Teague managed to send it to more than 140 people, because the whole school got it. Honestly, I'm not sure how the Tweeter works."
Math teacher: "Wesley Teague? Isn't he the senior class president?"
Vice Principal: "Yes he is."
English teacher: "Wow! Then he should know better than to spout inflammatory rhetoric. What did he say?"
Principal: “I've got it right here. Uh, '"Heights U" is equivalent to WSU’s football team.'"
Math teacher: "Ha! That's funny."
Vice Principal: "Hush."
Principal: "This is a direct attack on our school athletes and we cannot allow it to stand."
Coach: "Teague runs track. He's an athlete too."
Vice Principal: "Doesn't matter. He made a mild crack at sports and there's honor for us to defend."
Science teacher: "Why?"
Band teacher: "Yeah, why?"
Vice Principal: "Because as the most popular group in this school or any school, they have such delicate sensibilities."
Principal: "We'd do the same for any group if they were the coolest in school."
Band teacher: "Uh-huh."
Vice Principal: "In any event, it's clear that Mr. Teague created a disruptive environment at school, as evidenced by the anger his tweet generated. You could see it in their reply tweets."
Science teacher: "Will those students face the same punishment?"
Vice Principal: "Heavens no! People have every right to be offended and stand up for themselves."
Principal: "Especially if they're athletes."
Coach: "Like Teague?"
Vice Principal: "Hush."
Math teacher: "So how are you handling this? A talking-to? Formal reprimand?"
Vice Principal: "Are you kidding? We're meting out suspension for the rest of the school year and are barring him from attending some student activities."
English teacher: "Isn't that excessive?"
Principal: "We hear the Tweeter is a big deal, so the punishment should be too."
Vice Principal: "We have to teach him that actions have consequences."
English teacher: "But he's a good kid. Don't you think he already knows that on some level?"
Behavioral counselor: "Yeah, I work with our most challenging students and there's a difference between a mistake by a good kid and a pattern of defiant behavior by a delinquent."
Vice Principal: "We teach zero tolerance here. No student is better than anyone else. All must face accountability for their actions."
Behavioral counselor: "But shouldn't the punishment fit the crime?"
English teacher: "And is it really a crime to post mild jokes on Twitter? It's not as if he's cyber-bullying."
Vice Principal: "We're dealing with a technological force unlike any we've ever known before. And frankly, it's scary. People are more equipped than ever before to completely derail their future before it even begins."
Behavioral counselor: "Well, that's kind of on us too, isn't it? We have a responsibility to use our power with discretion."
Principal: "No, we have a responsibility to use our power with power. That's what we do as authority figures."
Science teacher: "That's a pretty good life lesson, I'll admit."
Vice Principal: "I'm just glad we have the Internet to police our pupils. Can you imagine how hard it was for administrators when we were in school?"
Principal: "Aw, man, I'd have been in so much trouble!"
Vice Principal: "Me too! Ha ha!"
Principal: "I probably wouldn't be principal today if they knew half the stuff I did. The sixties alone ... whoo!"
Vice Principal: "But we put it all behind us and grew into solid, responsible human beings."
Principal: "It's too bad kids these days are so far gone."
Vice Principal: "Blame it on bad influences. Video games, rap lyrics, YouTube, bad parenting."
English teacher: "If only we could do something about it, huh?"
Vice Principal: "We are. We're punishing him."
Principal: "Next time, he'll think twice before he expresses himself."
Vice Principal: "Inviting criticism by saying something provocative is not what being a good American is all about."
Principal: "It's our duty to weed out disruptions at this school."
English teacher: "Seems to me that a national story about overreactive administrators is the textbook definition of 'disruptive.'"
Science teacher: "It's all any of my students wants to talk about."
Math student: "Mine too. Makes it hard to teach to the test."
Coach: "And my guys are starting to look like Wichita State's defunct football team."
Principal: "All right, I've heard enough! Teachers, you're all suspended."
All teachers: "What?!!"
Civics teacher: "Even me? I didn't say anything!"
English teacher: "That's ironic on multiple levels."
Principal: "I shall announce our sensible measures via school-wide text."
Civics teacher: "That's also ironic."
Vice Principal: "Hush."
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